I realise now, the most important thing you’ll ever find in life, is your why, or as some people call it, your purpose. I didn’t fully understand the significance of finding your why, or even that I was searching for mine, I thought I had already found it, but in fact all I had was my what, what I wanted to achieve, not why I needed to. I see now it was this need to find my Why that started my soul searching last year, Art gave me the strength to go into the deep dark places of my mind, to face head on some of the difficult personal issues of my life, but only now, do I understand why this was so important. Looking back now, I feel it’s the single most important thing you’ll ever do. Ask yourself right now, do you know why you’re doing what you’re doing? Not what you want, but why you need it? Why are you making Art? Why do you need to learn, practice and reach your full potential as an Artist? Without this why fully understood, not just what you want to do, but Why you need to do it, I don’t think you’ll never have the true deep seated desire, determination and focus required to get through the tough days, the self doubt, the negative experiences, the struggles … I realise now fully understanding your Why will be the single most important thing you’ll ever find. I had a choice last year, get my head down and focus on my Art, focus on learning new skills … or, go inwards and discover who I am. I knew going inwards would compromise my learning to some extent, at least in the short time, but I just had this feeling inside that it was more important to find out who I was first, before focusing all my attention on my Art. I didn’t really understand why I needed to do this, but my instincts have never let me down, so I was prepared to sacrifice my Art in the short term by ‘following my heart’, in the hopes that once I made sense of myself, my Art could than become my sole focus without any distractions. Last weekend, Saturday 14th March 2015, I experienced the moment of clarity I had been searching for. The moment that made the past 12 months of soul searching worth it, the moment where everything fell into place, I saw everything in a new light, and most importantly … I found my why. Having struggled for nearly a year trying to totally make sense of the female energy inside of me, knowing deep down in my heart it was closely linked to my Art, I found the answer out of the blue, in a book I had bought months earlier but kept sat on my book shelf, ‘Mastery by Robert Greene’. Just like how ‘Keys to Drawing by Bert Dodson’ had a massive impact on me back in 2013, I now get those same sort of vibes radiating from ‘Mastery by Robert Greene’. I decided to start reading the book on the weekend, I had no idea of what was to follow. I had another of those life changing moments, it was as if I knew all along how everything slotted together, I had just failed to put it all together correctly before, I had snippets of it, and I could sense I was close but it wasn’t until I read this book that it all made sense. I was reading the book, and Robert said something beautiful

“The first move towards mastery is always inward – learning who you really are and reconnecting with that innate force.”

This one line sent a trigger to my mind, I put the book down and could feel something churning away inside of me. I remember thinking how I had just known all along that it was more important to go inwards than focus on my Art. Art was the thing that gave me the strength and confidence to go inward and tackle my demons, but I often questioned if I was maybe biting off more than I could chew. “Maybe I should have just got my head down on my Art“, I sometimes found myself saying in moments of doubt, but I always said “shhh”, for I knew I was going to be much better off in the long run if I could just stay focused on myself and get to the bottom of everything. I knew my love for Art was so strong that it would be waiting for me once I found myself, and that once I did, I would have an unbreakable bound with it. A bound that would mean no matter how tough it got, no matter how much self doubt took over, I would have something to focus on, a reason to continue that was connected to my heart and a deep desire that would keep me going. So I picked the book back up and kept on reading, Robert went on to explain how all masters throughout time have had a feeling, a hidden force –

“This primal uniqueness naturally wants to assert and express itself, but some experience it more strongly than others. With Masters it is so strong that it feels like something that has its own external reality – a force, a voice, destiny.”

It was at this point, something really clicked, like a switch got turned on inside of me. As if in slow motion, I began to make sense of who I was, why I’ve had this overwhelming feminine energy inside of me this whole time, why I had never been able to fully make sense of it, my female energy is so strong that I even named her Sophie, but I had spent all of my life trying to make sense of her purely via my gender and this never totally felt right to me. This is why there was always so much confusion, denial, shame and guilt. I realised in this moment, I had been looking in the wrong place my whole life, looking at my female energy from the wrong angle. After reading this quote from Robert, and the various pages that had gone before it, it began to put everything into a whole new light for me. I actually cannot put into words how I felt about this moment, it was so powerful the feelings and sense of clarity I felt. I actually jumped out of bed, ran upstairs and just erased half of the ‘important notes’ off my whiteboard, and in big red writing furiously scribbled down the one thing that matters to me, my purpose, my reason for needing to reach my full potential as an Artist, my Why. I always knew where I wanted to get to with my Art, but not why, in this moment, I found it. The months of soul searching were finally rewarded, words that I had written on the whiteboard previously as random inspiration, started to take on more meaning and almost pop off the screen at me, as if I subconsciously knew all along what my Why was, but my concious mind was just waiting to catch up. This was such a powerful moment, that I began to feel that same sort of out of body experience I once felt in 2013 while drawing, I felt like I was watching myself looking at the whiteboard making sense of who I was, it was so extreme I actually had to lay down on the floor. I started crying tears of joy. I just had to say thank you out loud. Thank you for finally making sense, thank you for not giving up on this, thank you for now being able to focus on Art, thank you for being brave enough to go inward, just thank you! My purpose is very personal, and Sean from SeanWes.com always says you should keep the most important things very close to your chest and not share them with anyone, the only person who needs to know is you. So, once you find your purpose, put a pretty little bow around it, give it the biggest hug ever and cherish it! :) I see now, with your why, with your purpose clearly defined in your mind everything changes. Something happens inside, you can’t really put it into words, but you can feel it, and it feels unbelievably powerful! I feel like I could throw everything I own away, give me just a pencil and paper, and I’ll be fine. I don’t need anything now … I have all I need inside of me.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche